Of all the lunches my freshman year of college, one stands out to this day.
After attending religion class, my classmates and I went for a meal at the student union.
Over our cheap sushi and soda, the conversation turned to the differing beliefs at the table, and before long there was tension in the air.
Everyone was so busy doubling down on their own ideas that I’m fairly certain no one learned anything from the debate…except for me.
And here’s the lesson I took away: Avoid religious debates at all costs.
But lately I’ve been realizing: We, as Christians, are called to share the gospel with others. So there will be times we need to speak up with the truth—even at tables where people openly disagree with us.
I still believe that staying silent and being a good listener can be a wise response sometimes, but if we truly believe what we say we believe, we can’t always stay silent.
So how do we navigate this?
How do we effectively share our beliefs with those who disagree?
I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I think 2 Timothy 2:23-26 has some wisdom for us:
Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servants must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their sense and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. (NIV)
In this latter half of the chapter, Paul teaches Timothy how to handle false teachers inside the church. But the principles he lays out can be just as helpful when engaging people outside the church.
Based on these verses, I think there are 3 questions we should ask ourselves before getting into belief-debates with unbelievers:
- How vital is it that they believe like I do on this matter?
In verse 23, Paul doesn’t say to avoid all arguments. He says to avoid “foolish and stupid arguments” (or as the ESV puts it “foolish, ignorant controversies”).
The truth is, there are certain arguments worth making. I believe these center around essential Christian beliefs and usually have to do with the core gospel message (for example: that there is only one triune God, that we as humans have sinned, that Jesus died and physically rose again, etc.).
But there are other arguments that may not be worth it, such as arguing over issues even Biblically-grounded Christians differ on (for example: what political party to be affiliated with, what people should wear to church, sprinkling vs. immersion for baptism, etc.).
Many topics are important to us, but if we major on minors we can end up diluting our witness and confusing people who just need Jesus.
2. Is my goal for this conversation in line with God’s goals?
Paul says we should have one motive when engaging those who disagree with us spiritually. He says, “Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their sense and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.”
Above all else, we should want God to rescue the person on the other side of the table—to rescue them from bondage to sin (John 8:34) and futile thinking (Romans 1:21), to rescue them from death (Romans 6:23) and an empty life (1 Peter 1:18-19).
Is that our foremost desire as we enter conversations with unbelievers?
Or are we motivated by something else…like a desire to win the argument, prove our intelligence or defend our camp against perceived slights?
I have to admit, sometimes my motives are mixed.
But Paul’s words here remind me of what’s really important: not my pride, but the other person’s soul.
Our God “wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth” (1 Timothy 2:4). May our desires match His.
3. Does my tone support that goal?
If our desire is to see God rescue our “opponent” (to use Paul’s word), then our side of the conversation would benefit from 2 things:
- Trading argumentativeness for gentle instruction:
When we realize that only God can change hearts and minds—that only He can grant repentance—a whole lot of pressure drops off our shoulders.
We don’t have to argue people over to our side anymore! Our part is simply to communicate the truth with grace and clarity. God’s part is to convince them of the truth.
- Trading defensiveness for kindness:
When we remember how Scripture describes people who don’t know Jesus—as captives of the enemy—we will respond differently to them.
After all, before Christ saved us and opened our eyes, we were right where they were. And even now, we are no better than they are. We have just received much undeserved kindness from God.
So instead of their words and ideas sparking our resentment, may they spark our kindness.
These beautiful people, created in God’s image, are not the enemy. The devil, who is holding them captive, is the enemy.
If, by the Spirit’s enabling, we adopt the kind of tone Paul describes here, I think it would go a long way toward helping our message be heard.
PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE:
Ultimately, we must depend on the Holy Spirit’s in-the-moment guidance to determine what, when and how to share. But prayerfully asking these questions beforehand, gives us a chance to recalibrate our approach so we don’t do more harm than good.
- So where are you most likely to encounter a belief-conversation with non-Christians? (an upcoming friend meetup, thanksgiving dinner, etc.)
- How might prayerfully considering these questions beforehand change your side of the conversation and increase your words’ impact?